Walking Around Wrigley

Melody – Walking Down Canal Street

I was walking around Wrigley,
I knocked on every door,
God damn, son of a bitch,
I couldn’t find a whore!

I finally found a whore,
She was tall and thin,
God damn, son of a bitch,
I couldn’t get it in!

I finally got it in,
I moved it all about,
God damn, son of a bitch,
I couldn’t get it out!

I finally got it out,
It was covered all in sores,
God damn, son of a bitch,
Don’t fuck Chicago whores!

Variants: “Wrigley” in the first verse and “Chicago” in the last verse can be changed to local landmarks as necessary.

Optional Verses:

Two weeks later,
Blood was in my piss,
God damn, son of a bitch,
She gave me syphilis!
I went to the doctor,
This is what he said,
You stupid mother fucker,
You should have gotten head!

Nine months later,
A knock upon my door,
God damn, son of a bitch,
That same Chicago whore!
I didn’t have a rubber,
But told her that I did,
God damn, son of a bitch,
Now I’ve got a kid!