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My Girlfriend Is a Vegetable


NOTES: The chorus is sung to start the song, followed by a verse. Chorus and verse then alternate and the song ends with the chorus. The third line of every verse is the same as the third line of the chorus.

MY GIRLFRIEND IS A VEGETABLE

Melody – My Gals a Corker
CHORUS
My girlfriend is a vegetable,
She lives in the hospital,
I’d do most anything to keep her alive!

SAMPLE VERSE:
She’s got a new a new TV,
It is called an EKG!
I’d do most anything to keep her alive! (chorus)

ADDITIONAL VERSES:

  • Her EKG does not rise,
    Still she can part her thighs,
    I’d do most anything to keep her alive (chorus)

  • She has no arms or legs
    Just hooks and wooden pegs
    I’d do most anything to keep her alive (chorus)

  • She has no feet or hands
    Her head’s held on by rubber bands
    I’d do most anything to keep her alive (chorus)

  • She’s got a tracheotomy
    She can breathe while giving head to me
    I’d do most anything to keep her alive (chorus)

  • She cannot hear, she cannot see
    But she’s got an oral cavity
    I’d do most anything to keep her alive (chorus)

  • She can’t get out of bed
    Still she can give me head
    I’d do most anything to keep her alive (chorus)

  • She might not live out the night
    So she won’t put up a fight
    I’d do most anything to keep her alive (chorus)

  • She’s had an episiotomy
    That’s a bigger hole for me
    I’d do most anything to keep her alive (chorus)

  • My girl has leprosy
    Bits and pieces land all over me
    I’d do most anything to keep her alive (chorus)

  • I’m always guaranteed a blow
    Because she cannot say no
    I’d do most anything to keep her alive (chorus)

  • My girl has long blonde hair
    It’s in patches here and there
    I’d do most anything to keep her alive (chorus)

  • There’s one doctor I won’t let in
    That’s Dr. Kevorkian
    I’d do most anything to keep her alive (chorus)